Uncle Trev and the Whistling Bull Read online

“Where’d he get it from?”

  “Off the gee-gees.”

  I looked at Uncle Trev.

  “Every race meeting within fifty miles, Old Tip’s been turning up wearing his brown pin-striped suit, his member’s ticket dangling off a waistcoat button, and his felt hat pulled down over his eyes. He’s put on some big bets; what’s more, his horses have been romping home. Outsiders, the lot, so nobody else bothered to bet on them. Old Tip’s made a killing.

  “The Governor-General’s setting up a royal commission to inquire into it. They won’t let Old Toot on a racecourse, because they still have their suspicions about him after that business over at Te Aroha a few years ago, but they’ve got nothing on Old Tip except that he’s walked away from every meeting in the Waikato this summer with his pockets bulging.”

  “I wonder what he knows?”

  “It’s not what you know in racing,” said Uncle Trev. “It’s who you know.”

  “You mean he bribes the jockeys?”

  “Old Tip’s too cunning for that. I reckon he’s bribing the horses.”

  “Heck.”

  “I told you he’s getting above himself. I tried to warn him, but do you think he’ll listen to me? He’s been putting on bigger and bigger bets, and winning bigger and bigger money. Something’s got to give.”

  Uncle Trev jammed the lid back on the blue tin. “Tell your mother I enjoyed the gingernuts,” he said, and he was gone, but as he went past the kitchen window he stuck his head inside and went, “Mooo, baaa, cluck, cluck, cluck” again. I was so scared, I got out of bed and opened all the windows and doors to let out the echoes before Mum came home.

  A week later, Uncle Trev came in and went straight for the cupboards as usual, but Mum had hidden the blue tin. “You tell your uncle he’s not coming in here and making a meal of gingernuts,” she’d said before going to the Institute. So Uncle Trev made himself a cup of tea and set himself to eating his way through a tinful of her Louise cake.

  “How’s Old Tip?” I asked, before he could say anything terrible about the Women’s Institute.

  Uncle Trev grinned. “He came a cropper at Paeroa. Serves him right for getting above himself. He put a packet on an outsider, all his winnings. If it had won, he’d have cleaned up enough to retire on, but it came in behind the rest of the field, and Old Tip did his money. Everything he owned.”

  “All his winnings?”

  Uncle Trev nodded. “That put the kibosh on moving over to Hamilton. He’s not going to wear a bow tie, grow one of those nasty little mo’s, buy an American car, and sell insurance after all. He’s had to pull his head in and do some work for a change. I can tell you, Old Tip’s a different man. All the better for a few rules in his life, I told him.”

  “That’s not what you said about the Institute.”

  “Sometimes,” said Uncle Trev, “I don’t know whether it’s you or your mother talking.”

  “I’m glad Old Tip’s not going to live in Hamilton. It wouldn’t be the same.”

  “I’m not telling him that,” said Uncle Trev, “or he might get above himself again and start dipping his gingernuts in his tea.”

  “Can I believe my ears?” Mum’s voice demanded loudly from the back door. She’d come home early. Uncle Trev went for his life, but she grabbed the broom and chased him out to his lorry.

  “Teaching that smelly old dog to dip my gingernuts in a cup of tea,” she told me, “I’ve never heard the likes of it. And you sat there and listened to every word and believed it? Sometimes I wonder where I got you from, I really do.”

  “Old Tip’s been banned off all the racecourses in the Waikato,” I told Mum.

  “If you believe that, you’ll believe anything. That uncle of yours, as he drove off he wound down his window and went ‘Moo’, and he went ‘Baa’, and he went ‘Cluck, cluck, cluck’ at me. Now why do you suppose he did that?”

  I shook my head.

  “I think he’s losing his wits. It’s living out there on that farm, nobody to talk to but that Mr Henry next door. Men like those two need a few rules to keep them in order. I hope you didn’t tell him where I hid the gingernuts?”

  I shook my head. “Uncle Trev said to tell you he enjoyed the Louise cake.”

  “My Louise cake?” Mum cried. “I’ll give that man Louise cake.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Gotta Henry and the Pook’s Feet

  “Old Gotta Henry spends half his time mucking about in his swamp watching pukekos.” Uncle Trev tipped his cup of tea into his saucer, blew on it, and drank noisily through his moustache. “By Jove, that’s good,” he said, and munched a piece of Louise cake.

  I looked at the back door.

  “It’s okay, I saw your mother chattering away nineteen to the dozen to Mrs Dainty outside the post office. Nodding and cackling like clucky chooks, neither of them listening to a word the other was saying. They’ll be good for another hour or two.”

  He refilled his cup, stirred in the milk and sugar, and tipped the tea into his saucer again. “Old Gotta knows where every pukeko builds its nest. He’s fallen into the swamp a score of times, counting their eggs.”

  “If Mum catches you drinking out of your –” I started to say, but Uncle Trev went on.

  “They nest in the raupo, out where the swamp’s more water than mud. It makes it a bit harder for the stoats and rats. I haven’t seen a pukeko peck a rat,” said Uncle Trev, “but I’ve seen wekas stab them to death. I don’t know how they’d get on with a stoat, though, or a weasel. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen a weasel in years, nor a weka. They seem to have disappeared in the Waikato. But pooks, Old Gotta must have half the pukekos in the North Island in his swamp.

  “That’s a nice bit of Louise cake.” Uncle Trev took another piece and tipped more tea into his saucer.

  “Aren’t the pooks scared of Mr Henry?”

  “They take him for one of themselves.” Uncle Trev poured more water from the kettle into the teapot. “You know how your old pook looks as if his legs might snap off at the knee as he walks? Old Gotta’s legs look the same, as if his knees bend the wrong way.”

  Uncle Trev’s hand hovered over the tin and dived for another piece of Louise cake. “You’d better eat some, too. Otherwise your mother will blame me for gobbling the lot.”

  I shook my head.

  “He’s an odd bird, your pook,” said Uncle Trev, “and so’s Old Gotta. Probably that’s why he’s got so many on his place. I asked him once if he was milking cows or pukekos, and he didn’t think it was funny.”

  “Why does he count the eggs?”

  “If he finds more than four or five in a nest, he pinches a couple. Sometimes, you’ll get two birds laying in the same nest, and Old Gotta pinches half a dozen eggs then. He reckons pooks can’t count, so it doesn’t make any difference to them, and they couldn’t have raised that many chicks anyway. It’s the father bird does most of the hatching.”

  “Does Mr Henry sit on the eggs?”

  “I wouldn’t put it past him. But he’s always got a Black Orpington on the cluck, and he takes her eggs and slips the pook eggs under instead. Good mothers, the old Black Orpingtons, even if they are a bit clumsy. She’ll squash one of the pukeko chickens occasionally, but she’ll raise the rest and, once they’re big enough to make it on their own, Old Gotta lets them go in the swamp. He reckons those ones remember him and come to their names.”

  “Does he feed them?”

  “He’ll spend half the morning turning over old planks for slaters, catching grasshoppers, and digging worms; and they’ll eat shoots of grass. Sometimes, he’ll split up a rotten pine and collect all the huhus for his young pooks.”

  “How does Mr Henry get out to the nests, without sinking in the swamp?”

  “He’s got pretty big feet,” said Uncle Trev. “When he takes off his gumboots, his t
oes are longer than most people’s.”

  “Doesn’t he wear socks?”

  “Never – except when he borrows mine. But his toes aren’t just long, they’re splayed out, a bit like a pukeko’s, so his weight’s spread. That’s how the pooks get around on the swamp themselves. Even so, Old Gotta’s feet aren’t big enough for walking across the watery part where the pooks nest. What he did was he made himself a pair of wooden pukeko feet: three enormous toes out the front and a short one out the back. He takes off his gumboots, straps on his big feet, and away he goes, shuffling that gawky pukeko walk across the swamp, good-oh.”

  “Doesn’t he sink?”

  “He did the first time.”

  “What happened?”

  “Old Tip took the end of a length of plough-line between his teeth and swam out with it.”

  “Why didn’t Mr Henry just swim ashore?”

  “His pukeko feet had sunk deep in that watery mud and he couldn’t kick them off to swim. By the time Old Tip got out there, Old Gotta had gone under and there was just his red cap floating. The old fool threw up one hand, felt the rope and hung on, and I backed Old Toot till Old Gotta popped out of the swamp like a cork out of a bottle. He’d swallowed a fair bit of mud, so Old Tip and I had to lie him face down over a log and rock him backwards and forwards a few times before he brought it up and started breathing again.”

  “Was he all right?”

  “It takes a lot to stop Old Gotta. He went straight home and made another pair of pukeko feet.”

  “But they’d just let him down, too.”

  “That’s what I told him, but Old Gotta reckoned he’d fix that. I left him to it and went home to milk.” Without his noticing it, Uncle Trev’s hand dipped into the cake tin. “I went over next day, and he’d made even bigger feet, and sewn sacking between them for webs.

  “‘Toes like a pook’s,’ he told me, ‘and webs like a duck’s.’

  “Old Gotta buckled on his gigantic webbed feet. Legs wide apart, shoving those huge feet forward with a slidey noise, he slithered across the muddy water. Further out, he picked up speed.

  “‘Watch out!’ I shouted, but he squawked and went faster, waving his arms like wings. He had to keep running faster and faster because he was leaning further and further forward. The moment he slowed down, he’d go flat on his face.

  “I galloped Old Toot round the other side of the swamp.” Uncle Trev swallowed his piece of Louise cake and emptied his saucer. The tea must have been cold by now, but he didn’t seem to notice.

  “Old Toot neighed, Old Tip was barking his head off, and I was yelling as Old Gotta came through the raupo, leaning forward almost parallel to the water, kicking up mud and spray. His red cap, his black-blue coat, his white shirt hanging out, he looked for all the world like a pukeko flapping itself into the air. You know how awkward they are taking off?”

  I nodded.

  “He made it to dry ground,” said Uncle Trev, “and skidded about five feet, pushing up grass and dirt with his nose.”

  “I might make myself a pair of pook’s feet,” I said, “and try them out down the creek.”

  “I’ll give you a hand, but you’ll have to get well first.” Uncle Trev stuck his hand in the cake tin and felt around. “It’s empty,” he said. “I’ll hide it behind the other tins in the cupboard. With a bit of luck, your mother won’t remember filling it with Louise cake this morning.”

  “Mum never forgets a thing,” I reminded Uncle Trev. “She’ll give you what for.” But he’d grabbed his hat and was gone.

  I lay and thought how I’d make pook’s feet out of a couple of old tennis rackets, like the snowshoes I’d seen at the flicks about the Mounties in Canada. I’d ask Uncle Trev for some old dog collars. The County Council gave him a new one each year, when he registered Old Tip. They’d do for straps.

  I’d tell Mum I was feeling much better, and she’d be so pleased about that, she mightn’t think about looking for the cake tin.

  Chapter Eighteen

  How They Built the Rangitoto Lighthouse

  “You left school when you were big enough to carry a kerosene tin of water in each hand,” said Uncle Trev. “My first job was leading a string of pack-horses loaded with tucker for the kauri bush camps up the back of Mercury Bay.”

  “Remember you told me about a kauri that was so tall, you could see the South Pole from its top? I gave a morning talk at school, and Mr Jones laughed and said it made a good yarn.”

  Uncle Trev nodded. “There was another kauri up in the head of Mill Creek, so tall I get a crick in my neck just thinking about it.”

  “Crikey.”

  “The trunk was so thick through we had to lash two cross-cut saws together to cut it down. Half a dozen men each side tallied on to ropes tied to the handles. One team ran with the rope over their shoulders, pulling the saw through the cut. Then they had to run backwards while the other team ran and pulled the saw the other way.

  “Instead of tramping all the way back to camp, we slept inside the scarf, the notch you cut out on the side you want the tree to fall. And you know we never felt a drop of rain in there.”

  “What if it came down in the night and squashed you?”

  “No show of that. That kauri was so thick, it took all of eighteen months to saw through, and when we finished, it sat on its stump and wouldn’t fall. We drove steel wedges into the back-cut, but it squeezed them out like orange pips. One of my mates got hit by a flying wedge and he still limps.

  “The bush boss said he was losing money on the big kauri. He told us to leave it alone, and the wind would blow it over.”

  “And did it?”

  “We had a storm, and the wind was so strong it blew our tent away, with a new chum hanging on to a rope. The last we saw of him, he was sailing over the top of the Coromandel Range.”

  “What happened to him?”

  “The tent came down on Waiheke Island. I believe he still lives there.”

  “In the tent?”

  “I believe so.”

  “Did the wind blow down the big kauri?”

  “It just stood on its stump and started growing again,” said Uncle Trev. “That tree was so big, it grew that fast you could hear the sap wood joining together, closing over the saw-cut till it looked like a thick belt around the trunk.”

  “Is it still up Mill Creek?”

  Uncle Trev shook his head. “The contractor sacked the bush boss and reckoned he’d see we cut it down properly. But that old kauri, he’d grown so much bigger we had to chop the scarf twice as big and tie three cross-cuts end to end. It came down this time, but it was so tall now, the top of the tree didn’t hit the ground till a couple of days after it started falling, and then it came down with such an almighty thump, it buried itself in the ground. Took eighteen men seven months using thirty-six horses and scoops to dig it clear.

  “We sniped the butt end and pulled the log down the gully with sixteen teams of bullocks, eighty in each team. One hundred men using timber jacks worked it down the rolling road into the creek. It took all the water from six dams to drive it down to the Mercury Bay River, and the huge log floated downstream with all those one hundred men standing on it, arms stretched out so only their fingers touched – that’ll tell you how long it was. There wasn’t a camera in New Zealand big enough to take its photograph.”

  “What’d they do?”

  “The photographer took twenty snaps as it floated past, and glued them side by side. He said the camera was never good for anything again.”

  “Why not?”

  “He’d strained the lens, trying to photograph that enormous kauri.

  “We chained the log to Whitianga Rock down in the Bay. There was nobody in the mill with arms long enough to pitsaw it, and the breaking-down saws weren’t built that could handle it. Then one night with a big tide the log
tugged on its chains till it shifted Whitianga Rock several feet to the north. You can still see the flat bit at the bottom where it was moved off its base.

  “People said what if the huge log towed Whitianga Rock out to sea? Besides, it displaced so much water, the tide rose several feet above its normal level, and water came right up to the pub door. Things were looking really serious. Then old Dugald Bryce had a brainwave. He rigged some kauri rickers along the top of the log as masts, sharpened the sniped end into a bow, and sailed it up to Auckland.

  “He hollowed out the log at the foot of Queen Street. The timber out of the inside, he sold to the City Council, and they used it to build the old wooden harbour bridge to Devonport.”

  “I didn’t know they had a harbour bridge in Auckland,” I said to Uncle Trev.

  “A German submarine torpedoed it in the Great War, and it caught fire and sank. You can still see the blackened stumps of the piles under the Devonport wharf.”

  “What did Mr Bryce do with the hollowed-out log?”

  “Towed it around to Rangitoto Island, stood it on end, built a circular staircase inside, and sold it to the Marine Department for a lighthouse. That’s the one you can see from Takapuna Beach.

  “Of course,” said Uncle Trev, “it’s been painted so many times, people think it’s made out of concrete. But anyone with half an eye can tell it’s made out of a kauri tree.” He stopped and looked at me.

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Because,” said Uncle Trev, “when he put the light on top, old Dugald Bryce carved the lens by hand out of a big lump of kauri gum. Most lighthouses have a white light, but you’ll notice the one on Rangitoto looks just a bit yellow – the effect of the light coming through the kauri gum.”

  “I wonder if I’ll ever see it?”

  “Your mother tells me Dr Stirrup says you’ll be going back to school any day now. When you’re fit enough to travel, how would you like to go up to Auckland on the Rotorua Express, catch the ferry across to the North Shore, take the steam tram to Takapuna, and have a look at the only lighthouse in the world built out of a kauri tree?”