Aunt Effie and Mrs Grizzle Page 15

  separator A machine that separates the cream, which is used to make butter, and leaves skim dick which is fed to the pigs.

  sextant An instrument for finding angles and altitudes in navigating ships. (“I don’t care what Alwyn says, it has nothing to do with sex!”: Daisy.)

  skim dick Thin skimmed milk left after the cream has been separated. Pigs love it so much, we try drinking it, too.

  slate A wooden-framed sheet of slate, used for learning to write.

  slate pencil A soft rod of slate used for writing on a slate.

  sly grog Alcohol sold illegally and in dry districts where there used to be no pubs. Sly groggers were also known as droppers.

  Sopwith Camel A famous British fighter biplane in the Great War.

  S.O.S. ThesignalforhelpinMorsecode(… ––– …) Daisy says it means “Save Our Souls”, but the little ones think it means “Save Our Sausages” which is what Alwyn told them.

  Southern Hemisphere Something Waharoans always say when skiting, e.g., “We grew the biggest pumpkin in the Southern Hemisphere.”

  sou’wester An oilskin rain hat, Aunt Effie’s second favourite headwear. Her first favourite is a plumed helmet with a visor which she lowers with a clang. Then she bellows inside it and chases us with the battleaxe she keeps under her enormous bed.

  spherical trigonometry Mathematics to help you find where you are on the surface of the globe. People who think the world is flat don’t understand spherical trigonometry, and nor do we – except Daisy who reckons she knows everything.

  Standard Four What is now known as Year Six – because our pretentious school teachers must keep up with ridiculous overseas fashions.

  strainer A heavy, main supporting post to which fence wires are fastened and tightened. Aunt Effie calls the locks in the All Black pack the strainers.

  sugarbag Sugar used to come in seventy pound sacks which were very handy for making into pikaus, aprons, and oven cloths.

  swaggers Poor people who used to tramp the roads, carrying their swags – or pikaus – on their backs.

  tarnation A useful word which has nothing to do with tar and nations, but probably comes from darnation. As a noun, it means damnation, inferno, and execration; you can use it as an adjective to mean damnable, infernal, and execrable; as an adverb, you can use it to mean damnably, infernally, and execrably. I told you it is a useful word.

  T.B. Tuberculosis, a deadly disease that used to be common.

  truss A padded support for a hernia or rupture – a hole in the stomach through which a bit of your intestine sticks out.

  Vegemite A yeast extract used for spreading on sandwiches and testing our bravery. Some people reckon it’s real spelling is: Vegemight.

  Wind in the Willows, The Another splendid book. If your teacher hasn’t read it to you, then ask her, then remind her, then whinge and complain and moan and say it’s not fair – until she does.

  Women’s Institute A weekly meeting of witches in the Hopuruahine hall.

  Zeppelin A dirigible airship that Aunt Effie – flying her Sopwith Camel – won off the Germans in the Great War. She gave it to her friend (really her mother), Brunnhilde, the Prime Minister, who uses it to fly silently at night and shout down people’s chimneys, “Behave yourselves!” That’s why New Zealanders look so nervous.

  A Bit About Me and My Wise Old Dog

  I once knew a dog who grew very old, and very wise, so wise that he gave up talking. When I told people how wise my old dog was, they asked him difficult questions but, because he’d given up talking, he said nothing. And because he said nothing, people didn’t believe me when I tried telling them that my old dog used to talk.

  By the time this book is published, I’ll be seventy-seven. You’re supposed to get wiser, as you grow older but, unlike my wise old dog, I’ve got sillier. What if I live to eighty-seven, or ninety-seven, and go on getting sillier all that time? Perhaps I should give up talking and see if that makes me any wiser; perhaps I should get a young dog who’ll tell people that I used to talk before I got old.

  I might do what Aunt Effie’s mother did in this book, and grow down instead of up, and that could mean that I’ll grow wiser as I grow younger again. But what if I can’t stop at just the right age? I don’t know that I’d like being a baby again, having to wear nappies! And what if once I’d grown down, I started growing up again? Would that mean I’d have to go to school and learn to read and write all over again? It should be easier this time. And this time, I’ll take care to get wiser, like my wise old dog.

  —Jack Lasenby

  Other Aunt Effie titles by Jack Lasenby

  Aunt Effie 2002

  Aunt Effie’s Ark 2003

  Aunt Effie and the Island that Sank 2004

  Winner, 2005 New Zealand Post Book Awards

  Children’s Literature Foundation of New Zealand (CLFNZ) Notable Books List 2005

  Copyright

  This book is copyright. Apart from any fair dealing for the purpose of private study, research, criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright Act, no part may be reproduced by any process without prior permission of Longacre Press and the author.

  Jack Lasenby asserts his moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

  © Jack Lasenby

  A catalogue record for this book is available from the National Library of New Zealand.

  ISBN 978 1 869796 49 5

  First published by Longacre Press, 2008

  30 Moray Place, Dunedin, New Zealand.

  Book and cover design by Christine Buess

  Cover illustrations by David Elliot

  Printed by Griffin Press, Australia

  www.longacre.co.nz